Undisclosed Desires

Of course I woke up today from a dream feeling less than optimal. It's weird how dreams can weigh so heavily on our emotions and affect the realms of reality. Some people believe dreams are a way to sort through the day's problems, while others [such as myself] think it's our unconscious thoughts, desire, and motivation. Sigmund Freud's theory suggest that "people are driven by aggressive and sexual instinct" which are often repressed from our conscious and revealed via our dreams.¹ 

WARNING: Deep thoughts ahead...

What if you die tomorrow, are you where you want to be?

If the answer is no, then my question is "why not?"

It's somewhat hypocritical for me to ask the simple question of "why not" when I'm not where I want to be. It's one of those "easier said than done" type of situations, I'm sure. Someone close to me once asked, "If you could say anything with no regrets or worries, what would it be?" It's always hard for me to express my emotion and thoughts when I'm put on the spot. I think I said something stupid like "I don't know" when I really wanted to say "I love you." Why is it always so hard for me to satisfy my undisclosed desires? Is it because I'd rather sacrifice my own wants to please others?

I don't dream about death or injury very often, but last night I did. I blame this dream on nursing and nursing school, however. They have embedded in my head to assume the worst until further assessments reveal otherwise. I wont go into details, but I know I'm not where I want to be at this particular moment in time for various reason. However, I'm slowly [but surely] starting to realize that no matter what the reasons are, the pursuit of happiness and the feeling of comfort/safety are more valuable to me, regardless of how it is achieved.

About a month ago, I received a fortune from a cookie that read, "Do what is right, not what you should." Of course these are worded in away that can apply to anyone in order for them to formulate their own meaning, but I honestly needed to read those words. It helped me put into perspective that what's "right" and what "should" be done is not always the same. I think it's easily misunderstood that if you should do something that it is automatically the right thing to do, which isn't the case at all. I know of things that I should do, but in order to me to gain the feeling of happiness/comfort/safety, it's not the right thing for me [this frustrates me to no end]. I think the frustration derive from me always trying to do what I should and also what is right, not separating the two. But, I think I'm at a place in life that it's time to make myself happy and do what I want [what is right for me] because I have everything that I need.

I challenge everyone to do the same.
                          Be you. No fear. Do what makes you happy...
                                                                       What makes you feel safe!                                                                  

References:

¹ Domhoff, G.W. (1996). The repetition of dreams and dream elements: A possible clue to a fnction of dreams. In Alan Moffitt, Milton Kramer & Robert Hoffmann (Eds.), The functions of dreaming. Albany: State University of New York Press

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Update:

I'd like to first start off by saying... I abso-freakin-lutely love jump rope and the people involved. I know I've said this many times before, but I truly mean it.

Caring. Loving. Close. Family.

These are only a few words I can use to describe the people of jump rope. Though, I live hundreds of miles away from many, I can honestly say these are my closet friends; they are my family. I love you guys!

Next I would like the mention that I am now a World Jump Rope champion! I still get goosebumps typing that. It's so great when hard work is rewarded and appreciated. 

This time two weeks ago [can't believe it's already been two weeks] I was sleep deprived, excited, and nervously waiting to see my friends and preparing for the World Jump Rope 2012 [WJR2012] Competition in Washington D.C. I can never really sleep before a competition. I swear I run through all of my routines a million times before finally passing out only to dream of these same routines. I never really get nervous during the competition except for my single rope freestyle routine. You would think after 15 years of jump rope, I would be able to control my nerves... But no, not when it comes to my single freestyle. I must warn you, however, I bombed my single at WJR2012, but that's the thing with jump rope. You only get that one shot to "wow" the judges, and if you miss, it's all over until next year. I had a lot of misses! On the flip side of things [literally], my Double Dutch Pairs Freestyle earned me a Grand World 1st place crystal globe. Ahhhhh! I remember sitting in front of this very same computer last year watching the live feed of the competition. I told myself I will own a crystal globe one day. I never thought it would be a first place crystal globe. I am very grateful for the opportunity to jump with such amazing jump ropers. I can't want until next year. It's going to be even better in Orlando, Florida baby! You gonna be there? I will be!

Thank you WJR committee for hosting and organizing such a wonderful competition. I can honestly say I had the best time unifying the world of jump rope.

Double Dutch Pairs Grand World Champions:

You think I can jump rope... Check out my mom's moves: 
:-)

Good life! Sh-long for now.
Rankin Out!